Marifran Korb

We can ignore Valentine’s Day.  We cannot get away from it entirely.   It is all around us.

Even those who have a partner tend to walk gingerly thru Valentine’s Day.   The mixed feelings don’t end when you have a partner.  Most couples have one partner who likes Valentines and one who doesn’t. “Why celebrate when you have a partner already,” he thinks.  Besides, flowers cost twice as much during Valentines day and what women eats candy anymore when she’s expected to be stick thin?   So what’s a guy to do?

What if celebrating meant more than going out to dinner?   How many couples can do that if they have to get a babysitter for children at home?

Since Valentine’s Day exists, let’s do something smart with it.   For those who resist it or those who like it, we can recycle its use and make it work for everyone.  Spend this Valentine’s Day in a new joyful way, celebrating love as it could be.

It gives us perspective to see how it started, so let’s look at the origins. It’s actually a very nebulous beginning. No wonder Valentine’s Day is a challenge, no one knows for sure how it started, or when. There are at least 3 versions of a martyred St Valentine or Valentus. One story says that he officiated at marriages, which was an affront to Emperor Claudius who wanted only single men in the army.  So performing marriages resulted in shrinking the pool of army men.  Supporting marriage got him executed.  Hey, you gotta admire that spunk.

Another story suggests Valentine helped Christians escape imprisonment. That was a loving thing to do. No link to that story and love letters, though.

Yet another story contends that Valentine was an imprisoned priest, who sent love letters to a jailer’s daughter.   For a priest, isn’t that a sin? Oh well, it’s a good story.

Yet, I think the truth is that Valentine, like many of the early saints, wrote loving letters to his congregation, or his followers.  It was similar to having followers on Twitter, except the priest was not limited to 140 characters. My point is that the messages likely were not romantic. The love was platonic.   Since we don’t know for sure why it started or when, someone made it up.  We can choose a new meaning.

Through all the centuries people wanted to connect.   Love, like a diamond, has multifaceted sides.  Love takes multidimensional forms. Yet, if someone asks you how your love life is, you immediately think romance. There is so much more.

With the plethora of love forms, we have just one day a year dedicated to love.  And we pretty much limit it to romantic love.   How about if we bring Valentine’s Day back to love in general?   Then what would it look like to you?  How would you celebrate?   What is one thing you would do? What if it were about stretching and expanding the love in your life? What if you saw that you are responsible for love in your life, that you can increase it if you want?   There’s no end to deeper love.  There’s no ceiling on it.

What if you knew you were the gift?  Then what?   What if your Valentine is you?   Not that whining self that thinks you’re not enough.   Not that self that looks for reasons that others think that you are not enough.  I’m talking about the real you that has those wonderful characteristics and qualities. Yes, you.  I know what your saying. “Yeah yeah, but loving myself doesn’t keep me warm at night.” Well, it could lead to that if you love yourself.  And if you don’t love yourself, you’ll connect to someone who doesn’t like herself or himself.   Loving your authentic self is one way Valentine’s could be celebrated.   It is not selfish, though women think it is a badge of honor to not love themselves and give to others, except once a year on Valentine’s Day.

Maybe, you would not be emotionally attached to receiving an expensive gift if you loved yourself enough already.  Gifts are great.   We all like gifts, and the gift is an outward sign of something that often is not said.   The important thing is to acknowledge what is underneath the gift if it is not obligation.  Honoring your true self doesn’t mean you would have to give a gift to yourself.   When you love and respect yourself you listen to that authentic part of yourself to guide you.   No telling what it would say.   We could start a movement for a new way to celebrate the Love Day.

Let me know what you think.  Check my site tomorrow for suggestions on how to celebrate the day while fulfilling yourself and possibly others.