Marifran Korb

VALENTINE’S DAY, Part 3

by on Feb.13, 2010, under Random Writings on Relationship

SUGGESTIONS

Do you want suggestions for celebrating Valentine’s Day?   Here are some things to give, whether or not you have a partner:

1. Make a commitment to fall in love over and over again with YOURSELF.
Love is a commitment, not a feeling. Infatuation is a feeling. Here are commitments:

a) Take care of you. Notice self-sabotage. Catch yourself making yourself wrong and STOP it. Do all the healthful things. Do healthful things with the purpose of loving yourself.

Some people do the healthful things and they do it out of fear, or as rigid discipline without any self-love. Do it to be good to yourself.

b) Do all the kind and generous things to yourself, like using skin cream and moisturizers with healthful ingredients. When you do it, acknowledge that you are loving yourself. Then you can thank yourself as you would a friend.

c) Look beautiful for you. Do that for no reason other than it makes you feel good about you, not out of fear that if you don’t look your very best, people won’t accept you.

d) Do something creative. Make a collage that excites you.   Use your best china, or your most comfortable sheets.   Get some inexpensive watercolor paints at a childrens’ store and paint your heart out (pun intended).  Do a dance.   Do something you haven’t done ever.   Or here’s one: do nothing. That would be hard for some of you.   So do something you don’t allow yourself to do, like watch a movie in the middle of the week, or read a book that you don’t usually take time for.  Get a massage, or give and receive one.   Anyone can massage someone else as long as you are not claiming to be therapeutic.

2. Make a commitment to fall in love over and over again with LIFE.

Do fun things everyday and use Valentine’s Day to remind yourself.   Be grateful.  Appreciate being alive. Connect with your senses.  Enjoy nature especially in midwinter.  Nurture indoor plants.  Call a friend. Decorate your world with your loving touch.   Fix up your home as a sanctuary for joy, peace and renewal, or whatever else is important to you.  Use your imagination.   If you say you don’t have imagination, you are lying to yourself.  We all can create these two kinds of love.

IF YOU DO HAVE A PARTNER

3.  Do all the above and make a commitment to fall in love over and over again with that one special partner. Nurture your relationship. Know how he or she wants to be loved and give it to them as much as possible. Have set times you’re your partner to give and receive. Make your partner feel that she or he is the most important, most valuable person in your life. If your partner doesn’t get that from you, it is in your best interest and in your partner’s to give that gift. If she or he is not that important, then there is serious trouble in your relationship.   It is easy to give a physical gift compared to a commitment.   If your other is not worth it, you may be saying you are not worth having the relationship of your dreams.   You have to be the best partner to get the best partner and you both have to make that possible.   You can give yourself the gift of getting your priorities straight by sorting out what is most important to you and doing that. Sometimes we take a partner for granted.  On the other hand, some of us put up with things we should not.

IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A PARTNER

4. Besides falling in love with yourself and your life, jazz up your friendships, especially your single friends of both sexes.  Show appreciation to a friend.  Get in a group.   Hang out more often with close friends like the friends in the show: Sex in the City.  Love shows up in all forms.  You may think you want the romance only.   Romance is wonderful, and as some married people will tell you, it is not the only thing.  Whatever you are single, divorced, widowed or married, you can celebrate how things are.

If someone asks you how your love life is, you immediately think romance. There is so much more.  There is humanitarian love, community love, sisterly love, brotherly love,  friendship love, and self-love.   Were you taught that self love was wrong, and that you should not love yourself, just others?   Does it still feel like heresy to say that you need to love yourself?

Do you wonder about the commandment to love others as yourself?  If you are not supposed to love yourself, then loving others as yourself is not loving very much.  You may have missed that whole thing about loving yourself.  If it is in that commandment, then where or when is that supposed to happen? You cannot give away what you don’t have, so it’s essential to love self.

With the plethora of love forms, we have just one day a year dedicated to love.  And we limit it to romantic love.   How about if we bring Valentine’s Day back to love in general?

If Valentine’s Day was about love in general, then what would it look like? How would you celebrate?  What is one thing you would do?

As one woman I polled suggested, what if Valentine’s Day was about appreciation?   One man I polled said he would like to see it about community.  Right on target.   So my thoughts are not unique on this topic. I just want to start a movement where this day takes on a more expanded meaning so everyone can feel good about it.

The smallest recognition means so much.   Gratitude is the best gift.   Give it everyday.   Make a promise to someone close to show love a certain way. Give a Love Coupon. You could write a love letter to someone, sharing how he or she contributes to you.

Be grateful for yourself.  Everything else flows from that.   Go take care of yourself and that will give everyone else permission to nurture themselves.   It’s out of self-care that we have the energy and the love to nurture others authentically and not out of obligation.   HONOR YOUR COMMITMENT to yourself.

Many thanks to those that participated in the Valentine’s Day Survey.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S EVERYDAY!!

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5 Comments for this entry

  • Lyn

    Wow – thanks for reminding me. I want so much for others to see their greatness, and yet, I am most often present to what I don’t like about myself. Because of you I just said, “Lyn, I love you”. Egad! It made me cry. There is so much not to love – so I said again, “I love you, Lyn. I am talking about that self you are trying to hide. The self that you want to be better, nicer, more powerful, etc. I love THAT one – for all that she is and all that she wishes she were but isn’t. For all the posturing, the pretense, the manipulating, and Lord yes, the drama. Yep, even love the times she doesn’t have the good sense God gave a goose.” And then I laughed, and my whole body let go and relaxed. Good for me – Good for you! Love really does conquer all. Thank you, Marifran.

  • marifran

    Dear Sheila,
    Sounds like my blog was a catalyst for connecting with feelings. May you find the gift in that.

  • Adolfo Sciavillo

    I love when I have free time to check out blogs online. I learn a lot from then and many are very funny. Keeping a smile on my face while relaxing is always a pleasure! Thanks for sharing yours.

  • Okay Living

    Hi, found google to your this blog and it appeard funny but after refresh site displayed fine. Just thought id let you know and keep up the good work.

  • Betty Pack

    Wonderful reminder to love and take care of ourselves. Sometimes very hard to do. Thank you

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